This Isn't Goodbye
by The Trix Rabbit
Summary: Light was Kira. He gets his memories back, and couldn't take the guilt. He loved L, would die for him, literally. And L just thought of Light as his prime suspect. How will he take Light's death? LxL character death OOC
1. Chapter 1

This Isn't Goodbye

**A/N: Kind of depressing. I rewatched Death Note, then up to the part that L um, moves on. So, this is what Light gets for um, pushing L into the 'beyond'. -clears throat-**

**L did NOT die.**

Light stared at L, the genius that he had grown to love. He knew it was wrong, loving someone so pure, when he was a dirty, lying fool who had killed people in his own deluded sense of 'justice'. It made him sick just thinking about what he had done.

It made him want to claw out his own heart. L's obsidian eyes bore back into his own, pausing the fork from getting another bite of his beloved cake. "Light-kun. You have been staring at me. Is something wrong?" he asked in a tone of voice that would be used to say 'I don't care'.

Light blinked at the sudden sound breaking the bordering awkward silence that had surrounded the two. "No, L. I just feel-tired, I guess."

'_Tired of life, that is.' _he added silently in his mind. He stared awkwardly at his shoes, fidgeting under L's intense stare. "Does Light-kun like to go to bed?" he offered, bringing his thumb to his lips, the chain jingling metallically as he did so. Light was acting different. L wasn't sure how he was different, but he just seemed, hollow, empty, just kind of strange. He never fought back anymore, barely giving any emotion to L. It was all rather peculiar.

Light shook his head, his beautiful tresses falling over his face as he did so. "No, L. We should work on the Kira case."

L shrugged vacantly. He turned back around in his seat and continued. It wasn't long before Light fell asleep, waking L up from case-mode. His cheek was pressed against the cool marble of the table, hair all mussed up. The world's greatest detective sighed, the Kira case was remaining fruitless, and it was driving him crazy. He knew it was Light, why couldn't he prove it? He poked Light a bit, trying to wake him, but it was in vain. He picked Light up piggy-back style and started on the trek up the stairs and into their private quarters. Light was surprisingly light, ha, no pun intended. He didn't feel at all a hundred and twelve pounds at the medical records stated. L turned his head and looked closer at the boy. He was skinnier than usual, more defined cheekbones, and there were dark circles under his eyes.

The detective frowned, why was Light like this. He thought back on all the lunches and dinners he skipped and how late at night he stayed up working on the Kira case. L sighed guiltily, maybe he was being to hard on the kid.

But, he shook that thought away and continued up the stairs. He laid him down and put the blanket on both of them. L fell asleep quickly, the stress of the case too much. L was human, and humans sleep.

In the middle of the night, around two, Light awoke. He stared at the sleeping form next to him. He was curled in the usual pose, knees to his chest, as he slept, dead to the world.

Light couldn't take the guilt anymore, it haunted his dreams, his thoughts, his everything. It was driving him mad. He stiffened, realizing a rather appealing idea running through his head. He could use the Death Note to kill himself, and maybe L will forgive him. Maybe all the people who he killed with the very same device would forgive him.

He bit his lip, staring at L's finally at peace face. His face was relaxed, much unlike Light's. He sighs in his sleep, rearranging his arms around his knees. The younger pulled a blanket over his body and took out Misa's Death Note from his side of mattress. He flipped through it, throat tightening as he did so at all the names he wrote. He went to the next clean page and thought. He loved L, more than anything, if it meant L would be happy without him, then so be it. He raised his pen, and started writing.

_Dear L, Father, and everyone else,_

_I am Kira. I don't know how I became Kira, I just found this Death Note, and started killing criminals. Then I met L, and I fell in love. Again, I don't know how that happened, but I don't regret it. I know my ways weren't correct, and call me a deluded, naive fool with a cruel sense of justice, and I know I am. I love L, and I'd sacrifice the world for him, or in my case, me. The guilt has been killing me ever since I received my memories, and I mean literally killing me. It's been eating me away, and now, with this final note, I know I shall die. _

_Have a great life, L. I hope you find someone that will love you from the start, unlike me. And dad, I love you even though I never did tell you. Tell mother I love her too, and that I'm so sorry. Tell Sayu that I will forever regret never being able to watch her grow up, never going to see her walk down the aisle, everything._

_Goodbye everyone,_

_Light Yagami_

He put down the pen, counting down.

40

It was all for L, all for him.

39

He will forever love him, even though he knew he was going to Mu, or hell.

38

How ironic, he was going to die the way he killed.

37

He wanted to spend the rest of his life with L, which wasn't exactly long.

36

So he leaned to L, snuggling to his warmth, and waited.

35

And waited.

...

3

Light picked up his head and pressed his lips to L's.

2.

1.

And that was the end of Light Yagami.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Huh. Please tell me if you want L and Light to be back together, cause I dunno.**

**Thanks for clicking my story, and I'll see you next time.**


	2. Chapter 2

This Isn't Goodbye

**A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for all the reviews, and L and Light will DEFINITELY be back together. Mm, This is L's reaction as requested. So, enjoy!**

**BEEP! BEEP! SPOILER! A real name mentioned!**

L took a deep breath and clutched for the handcuffs on the bedside table without opening his eyes just yet. He sighs, the handcuffs really were annoying sometimes. The jingle sounded in his ear as he cuffed one of them to his right wrist, and the other he opened and turned toward Light.

Said boy was curled into him, which wasn't particularly abnormal for Light. He was a clingy sleeper, after all, but today the auburn haired seventeen year old looked different. He was still, deathly still, and he looked pale and lifeless.

L frowned, and poked Light's side, getting no response. He sighed again, this time in worry, and pushed up Light's eyelid. His pupils weren't moving, and it was rolled up. Light couldn't be dead, he couldn't be! L bit his lip and leaned to press his ear to Light's heart. There wasn't the faint 'lub dub' he oh-so wanted to have heard.

The eccentric detective let out an anguished scream, sobbing into Light's side. L couldn't solve the Kira case without him, and deep down he knew it was more than the Kira case. He loved Light. '_No,'_he told himself. L was not in love with Light, he was just valuable to the Kira case and the closest thing he had to a best friend, but he wasn't in love.

L's tear-streaked face was pressed against Light's own check. What did Light do? It was obviously suicide; no one else could've killed him. He clutched the place where Light's heart was, and decided he didn't deserve for him to be using him as a pillow, so he pulled him up and to his chest, his hand still on his heart.

A piece of paper was folded up messily on Light's pillow, and he slowly unfolded it. His eyes widened with each word he read, his heart clutching painfully.

Light was Kira; L knew that from the start, so why did it hurt so much? The boy had regretted it so much to the point where he actually killed himself, for L. The genius' whole body shook with guilt and misery. Light had been starving himself and L didn't even realize; he no longer considers himself a genius.

On Light's bedside table was a book that hadn't been there last night. L's hand trembled as he picked it up, what was it? The words Death Note were engraved on the black leather front.

L traced his a finger on it, and flipped through it. It was filled with name after name of criminals, and on the very last page, you could see the strip of paper sticking out from the binding, the remains of where a person ripped a page out in a rush. Light's suicide letter… He placed the letter and the book back together then closed the book delicately, his fingers barely touching that accursed book that corrupted, ruined, killed a once innocent, naïve, loving boy that was Light.

He placed the book back on the table and stared down at Light. He wouldn't go to heaven, the letter said. Light was a kind soul; surely he would be rewarded, right?

The genius froze, his entire body buckling beneath him, memories of Light filling his mind. He started crying all over again, his heart felt as if it was being squeezed.

His mourning must've been very loud, for Watari rushed in, somehow still in his tuxedo.

"L, what is the matter?" he questioned, rushing forward, mustache twitching as he spoke. L just shook his head, clutching Light harder.

Quillish Wammy was deeply worried for what he thought of as a son. He never saw him so distraught, and what was wrong with Light? His mind pieced it together, Light had passed away he realized.

His heart was also saddened by this piece of news. Over the time of the handcuffs, he and Light had grown closer. He placed a hand on the still sobbing L comfortingly. "I'm sorry, L."

He still just shook his head, but he sat up, a vice grip on Light's shirt. "He… Committed suicide… For me. He loved me Watari. Look at that." L croaked, still not able to say the name of the book that killed off his dearest friend. Watari also read it, whispering 'unbelievable' afterwards.

"We must call Light's parents. They will be so heartbroken." Watari said sympathetically.

L nodded slowly. "What's it like to be heartbroken, Wammy?" he asked, sounding childlike and pitiful.

The elder stared at the greatest detective in the world and thought. "When you feel excruciating pain, and it feels as if your heart can't work well because of it. I was heartbroken when my wife had moved on." Watari paused, eyes frosting over as he thought of his wife.

L nodded and threw a phone to him for Watari to call his parents, while he just looked at Light, memorizing every curve and slant of his face. There were so many questions he wanted to know about Light. What was his favorite food? What was his favorite color? And most of all, why did he love him? L thought, clutching his heart in one hand, and with the other he touched Light's chest.

A stray tear slipping down a pale cheek and dropping delicately on the bed every so often as L kept reading the letter, repeating the 'I fell in love' part over and over

The detective would never be the same without the beautiful, light-brown haired boy again.

He didn't know why he was responding so sorrowfully about Light. He didn't feel this when BB happened, when his parents disowned him, when A committed suicide, so why was he doing it for Light?

He always did get made fun of for never showing any emotion, so why was he showing emotion?

He always thought of Light as a prime suspect, and only said first friend to check Light's reaction to it. But now, Light really was his first friend, best friend even.

How did Light fall in love with him? All he ever did was shoot percentages and accuse of him being Kira, which wasn't exactly likeable, was it? So how did it happen? It was all so confusing, Light, the Kira case, the entire thing.

L draped a blanket over Light, pausing at the forehead so he could kiss it gently, and he sat back into his usual position. His precious Light-kun will be remembered, not as Kira, but the person who loved shrimp sushi, a perfect son and brother, the world's smartest seventeen year old, and the only one to get close to L.

That was not the end of Light Yagami, for he will forever live on in L's heart, forever.

**A/n: Sorry for the shortness, cheesiness, clicheness, and all. It was boring, even for me. Huh, let me think, do you have anything I need to work on? Please tell me, cause I'm failing epically at this story.**


End file.
